Do you really have to do this? This question comes at me every day, an accusation on constant repeat. Do you really have to do this? I feel the reluctance. I feel the hostility. I feel the privilege, the delusion, the artificiality behind my strivings. All too often I must admit, I am defeated by…Read more Born of Disappearance
philosophy
Bittersweet
I spent most of last weekend in a kitchen heavenly fragrant with dried fruits, cinnamon, vanilla, ginger, nutmeg, brandy and red wine. That magnificent aroma of the holiday season wafting richly from mulled wine, glistening fruitcakes, sugar cookies and spicy gingerbread. I also brought out my largest pot to make a large batch of treats…Read more Bittersweet
Thankful
Part of me will always be suspended in disbelief. Dangling where there is no ground, no up or down, nothing more substantial than a mysterious ether. But I am not afraid. I am grateful. I know there are plenty of reasons to be worried, sorrowful, pessimistic. Plenty of tragedy, injustice and hate embedded, looming and…Read more Thankful
The Pendulum of Empathy
“Why empathy?” Silence. “Why compassion?” Silence. “Why should we care about each other?” No one answered. It wasn’t that we didn’t want to answer, we simply struggled to find the best reasoning for it. Perhaps we had never asked ourselves these existential questions before. Perhaps we couldn’t find an answer that wasn’t trite, naïve, or saturated…Read more The Pendulum of Empathy
Portrait of the Artist
What are you afraid of? That they’ll see right through you? See through your farce? Your vain bid for importance? That no amount of effort will surmount the appraisal of your surface? Or insubstantialize your many failures and shortcomings? (In fact, make them all the more obvious.) That you will be deserving of neither attention…Read more Portrait of the Artist
The Center Everywhere
My husband used to tell me a little story I have since cherished that occurred on the day I first arrived in Germany ten years ago. My flight out of New York had been abruptly delayed by a few hours, so he had to wait for me in the airport lobby for quite a while.…Read more The Center Everywhere
Pale Forest
I used to dream of forests, asleep and awake. Dense groves of ancient giants, gilded domes of oak and maple, stands of slender aspens, bearing silent witness, swaying to a breath. Wild, hidden places where life feels more alive, at once intense and restorative. Where my outline might be found within a profusion of stalks,…Read more Pale Forest
Clearing the Air
As some of you may have noticed, I have taken a long break from the internet. I disappeared for a while to devote all my time to my family, the holidays and all the hum drum activity of keeping several people warm, relatively calm (i.e. not injuring each other over trivialities or toys) and occupied…Read more Clearing the Air
What Do You Mean by “We”?
"What do you mean by we?" These are the words of a favorite college professor. The question startled me, like an abrupt slap in an otherwise pleasant conversation. I couldn't find the words to respond. At the time, I had been a very enthusiastic student. I attended university like Darwin the Galapagos. Out on my own for…Read more What Do You Mean by “We”?
A Light Circle 