Whether you’re a new follower of my blog or have been with me for the past year, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for visiting this site! This digital medium is a bright, exciting canvas for me as an artist. I can connect my thoughts and visuals in ways that I love to explore. Currently, I do not earn any money from this website, so your support in the form of likes, comments, follows, reblogs and sharing mean so much to me!

Several very inspirational and talented bloggers have kindly shared my blog with their readers in the  past few months: The Silent Hour, Bipolar Brat, Dylan Andersen and Tom Being Tom. I would like to thank you all for your great support and encouragement! THANK YOU!

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I would also like to take this opportunity to introduce myself a bit more, my intentions and my artistic vision, especially to those new to the site.

The concept for this blog first came to me visually as a circle. I thought of a circle because of its minimalism, universality, and beauty. Circles can give a sense of enclosure that is comforting but not overwhelming or constricting, hence: A “Light” Circle.

This circle (uh site) is, first and foremost, a safe space to explore difficult, murky, complicated modern topics, many of which happen to be controversial, hot-button issues such as globalization, identity, immigration, sexual harassment, racism and xenophobia. However, my intention is not to blame, provoke, or gain notoriety, or even to convince anyone of the “rightness” of my way of thinking. I want to explore these issues in a unique, mindful and artistic way to gain a deeper understanding of them and of life. I want to examine the contradictions, dualities and commonalities that exist everywhere—elusive and blatant, wavering and fixed. And I want to engage in a deep, meaningful dialogue.

I consider my “posts” to be essays focusing on a particular subject, emotion or theme. I create nearly all the artwork myself out of paint, ink, charcoal and photos. As much as I love to share these creations of my hard work and time, it is also important to tell you that I am, myself, undergoing a process of emergence. I am an emerging writer and artist. I have arrived at this career through a very narrow road with many twists and blind corners.

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Throughout most of my life, I believed that I didn’t matter. I believed that nothing I said, thought or felt was or would be of significance. I didn’t always believe that and I certainly don’t believe it now. Rather, I came to believe it through my unconventional, somewhat ascetic upbringing, growing up in a devout, struggling immigrant family, often isolated and marginalized. Also, through the many messages young artists and writers receive from “sensible” grown-ups that the Arts are inessential, superfluous, or extremely risky.

For a long time I tried to be someone else, someone who had no strong creative urges, someone who was good at math and science, someone who sold other people’s work, who always did what they were told. Someone who was quiet and never made any waves. In doing so I became very good at being invisible.

A few years ago, shortly after my mother passed away, I began to think about my invisibility, my abandoned artwork and my long unheeded desire to create. I thought about the things that kept me from wanting to be seen, from sharing, the fears I had of vulnerability, of criticism and the terrible possibility that I might not be as good as I think I am and could never be. But mainly, I thought of my own ego, how I had learned to be ashamed of it, despise it, reject it. Ironically, through the very insistence of the many over-inflated egos around me! Arrogant people who never got to know me or see any of my work!

Each time I sit down to write, or I begin work on a picture, I think this: Who do you think you are? Who the f*ck is M.P. Baecker?!  I assume each of you looking at my work have asked these questions at one time as well. I don’t think there is anything wrong with questioning my validity or talent, in fact, I expect it of you. But to be fair, everyone creating something should be questioned in this way too. Frankly, if we questioned all our leaders and purveyors of information as ruthlessly as we do amateur artists, we would all be better off! But like humility, criticism is not evenly dispersed, it is neither fair nor balanced.

But the thing about invisibility is, what good is it if you don’t even know what it is you are hiding? What’s the use for humility when one has never truly tried to be ambitious? What good is it to be silent when one has never tried to sing? It’s time to find out. It’s time to emerge.

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Text and images by M.P. Baecker © 2018.

 

36 thoughts on “Emergence”

  1. Your posts always flow so smoothly that I am surprised about what you said before about all the corrections and re-writings you do, etc. You make it look effortless, hence ‘A Light Circle’ is very fitting. This sentence: “Frankly, if we questioned all our leaders and purveyors of information as ruthlessly as we do amateur artists, we would all be better off!” made me pause for a moment. So true. Especially given that so many of our leaders around the world today seem so unevolved compared to even the most amateur of artists.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 😂👏👏Thank you so much! I can’t say enough how humbled I am to read that coming from you! ☺️

      That particular line was inspired from watching a clip of Fox News, I marveled at the tolerance and graciousness of their viewers to readily accept views from people who are neither experts or have ever experienced such hardships as poverty, war or being a refugee but claim to have profound knowledge of all the above! What if every artist was accepted with such kindness?!

      BTW. I just bought the Kindle Editions of your books and will be reading them for my summer reads! I can’t wait!

      Liked by 1 person

      • You almost had me fooled when you wrote ‘Fox News’ ‘tolerance’ ‘graciousness’ & ‘their viewers’ in the same sentence. I don’t think that’s ever been done before. But then I read the REST of the sentence. Hahaha. Thank you so much for buying my books. That means a lot to me. Fortuna Berlin is my first novel. There are a lot of things I’d do differently if I were to rewrite it as I’ve learned a lot about novel writing since I put it out, but I think it still holds up in places. It’s very personal. Maybe too personal. It makes me blush. Thanks again! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. MP, I meant to comment on this days ago. I first read it in a Lyft and sat there, in a strangers car, thinking about how humanity is an amazingly beautiful and confusing thing. Your emergence is a gift to us all. Your written and visual art never fail to humble me and leave me in awe. Thank you for sharing your heart, your spirit and your intellect. Thank you for creating this Light Circle.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank so much Susan! Your support and feedback means so much to me! I am so proud and incredibly happy that you are part of my circle!

      I think we are absolutely on the same wavelength because you recently tweeted a poem,”When You’re the Brownest White Girl” which is so profound and along the lines of what I am gearing up to write about next! I have had a large influx of new followers in the last month and I am working on some very difficult personal essays very close to my heart exploring murkier, darker waters of identity. I thought of this post like a warning flare before I take that deep dive where some may not want to come with me! It gives me such a boost to know that I’ll not be going alone!🤗🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A lot of people are becoming voices on WordPress, but not too many. Keep doing what you are doing because it is important–not the subject matter, but the act of discussing it. Facebook and Youtube are suddenly the default venues for important and trivial content alike, but here people are encouraged to use real words. Fail to do so, and risk being ignored. Contrary to granted belief, voices must be earned. This is among the best ways to do so.

    Some may not know that, aside from hosted forums, locals would voice their opinions in the daily newspapers. Editors would get to know citizens and trust dozens at a time to circulate, in turn, their opinions and assesments of popular topics. It is not so now with only verified and degreed individuals making the cut, mainly because newspapers can’t afford it anymore.

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    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I think it’s so great to also be able to learn from all of you!
      There are so many venues, outlets and news sites out there, it can be so mind-boggling. But you make a great point, not all of these venues are alike and not all of them value quality content. I went off Facebook for this reason, other than WordPress I have only Twitter. Now I am considering Instagram too, but honestly, I am very happy with the depth and control that WordPress allows me with my work! I hope to be able to share more things of beauty and value with readers like you and I’m working hard to make that happen! Your support helps me so much! Thank you!

      Like

  4. Your post moved me so much because so many of the things you struggle with are my same struggles. You are brilliant, and I am so thrilled you are emerging and embracing who you are. Your words always touch me and your talent leaps off of the page. So very happy you have made this decision. Can’t wait to see what is to come!! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You touched on, and weaved together several different things that I too have been dealing with and working to navigate in my own life – both in my head, and how I choose to interact with the outside world through blogs, tweets, FP posts, etc. Isn’t is amazing how our perceived crippling self doubt and destroyed self confidence can be seen to others as an inspiration or the perfect example of self expression? It’s all bonkers. All of it. We are weird, weird Ape’s. Yet, as the saying goes, [We] get by with a little help from our friends. 🙂
    You’re producing wonderful work. You’re cultivating an inclusive and inviting space. Keep it up! Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I love reading your work! You have great insight! I couldn’t agree more:”Isn’t it amazing how our perceived crippling self doubt and destroyed self confidence can be seen to others as an inspiration or the perfect example of self expression?”👏👏👏👏
      This is an altogether universal human experience, the negative feelings, the sense of negation, external and internal. I once had idealized heroes and believed that I should never let my flaws show, but as I grew older, I realized this was all pretense and the people I connected with the most were the ones who were brave enough to be honest and not force themselves into any pre-existing mould. Plus, I can’t stand any over-inflated, show-offs anymore!😂😂 I look forward to this growing this bright new space with you in it! Onwards!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Who the f*ck is M.P. Baecker?!

    Well, I’ll tell ya. M.P. Baecker is a stunningly talented artist, of the written and visual kind. M.P. Baecker is a kind, balanced, and beautiful human being. M.P. Baecker is my friend.

    She was built by hardship and humility. She tried the other way, we all do. It’s not for us. That whole “fitting-in” thing to please, and maybe make a buck? Nah. It was fun, we learned some things, but we had to move on. We had to emerge.

    I look forward to your continued emergence, my friend, and can’t wait to see what happens next. If you don’t mind, I’m going to not only enjoy it, I’m going to let it transform me. Then I’m going to ignite it like a lantern to illuminate the globe.

    Let the light shine. Let the circle widen.

    Go, girl, go. 👊😏🔥

    Liked by 1 person

    • Big hugs Tom!🤗🤗 I think I’m going to have to hire you as my agent and my marketer and the person who always vouches for me in my many, many awkward situations with strangers!!😂👏👏👏👏 I could easily vouch for you! You are a joy to read! You radiate intellect, happiness, honesty and love!

      Your last three sentences brought tears to my eyes (and I’m don’t cry easily)! Strangely, I’m as much an observer on this whole emergence thing as everyone else! How can it be that so much of this existence is left unsaid, undiscovered? I consider myself incredibly lucky to witness yours as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It is truly difficult to ignore either your words are images, the two of which fuse seamlessly in your offerings. There is something unusually elemental that you present before your reader, that is both raw and highly mature at the same time. Perhaps it is your core, subjected to elongated denial, has become shinier, condenser and radiant at the edges, forming a light circle.

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    • Your comment is absolutely beautiful! Your last sentence was so keen that I felt it like a volt–like many sparkling volts in the heart! I hope to produce work that can always worthy of your exquisite words and brilliant intellect!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. “[M]y intention is not to blame, provoke, or gain notoriety, or even to convince anyone of the ‘rightness’ of my way of thinking.”

    Well, you’re never going to go viral if you aren’t getting 2/3rds of your audience outraged…

    Actually, rolling ideas around and seeing things from different angles is probably the way to go. I tend to stay away from black-and-white social and spiritual positions myself, in my writing and life… All we can do is share something and maybe someone else will find some value in it.

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    • 😂”you’re never going to go viral if you aren’t getting 2/3rds of your audience outraged”👏👏😂😂
      So true! So true!👏👏 A friend of mine keeps teasing me to write something that gets people really riled up! She suggested feminism or sexuality! But I think racism, anthem kneeling, or police brutality would get the most outrage. It can be surprising though, some of my more benign subjects have actually been trolled!
      Like you, I try to see a situation from different angles and stay away from rigid black and white dichotomies, but the truth is, the subject matter alone is often more than enough to make people assume you are preaching! I think I might just have to write a universal disclaimer before I begin: “Less preaching, more exploring, questioning, wondering!”

      Like

  11. I always enjoy your posts and your well articulated reflections on your life, your place in the world, your place in the lives of those around you. Well expressed! And asking “Who” you are is something that I went through earlier in my life. I can tell you that while growing older may have some drawbacks it has a real upside. For me that upside is that I absolutely know who I am and what I can do and what I want to do and need to do. And even more importantly what I do NOT want to do or to be. Anyway….thanks for this post and the lovely photos.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I love your comments always! And I love what you wrote about knowing who you are and “even more importantly what I do NOT want to do or to be”😄. I feel that knowing who I am and knowing what I don’t want to be are fighting in an arena, rolling around, destroying each other until I draw a new, shiny self out of the ashes! All this is happening continually. May time grant me that indestructible self to know!

      Liked by 1 person

    • 👍😂 You know, I love that word “outlet”! It makes me think of a small round window, I initially thought of combining “outlet” with “circle” and was going to name my site “The Circlet”, but I had to change it because that also happens to be the name of a porn/erotica site😂😂!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I am very glad to have found your site and I am now glad to know a little more about you.
    You have a great blog because it is an outlier for a great mind.
    Here’s to many more posts in a light circle

    Liked by 2 people

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